well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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