It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
