just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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