wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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