we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
