Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
