what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
