Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
