Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
