Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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