I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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