fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
