Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
