11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This toilet bowl is my home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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