Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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