if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
two words: eviction party
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
