You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
