sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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