Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
