My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
