He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
