Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
