My first STD was from a foam party
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
