you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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