My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
