I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
