Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
