He told me they were just razor bumps!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
