Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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