after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
