she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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