and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize