you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
