nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
