You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
