Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
