You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
3 2 1 whiskey
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
