When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
