i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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