your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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