please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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