I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
