My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You made out with two different species that night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
