he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
