Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
