Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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