i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
