Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
