To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
