i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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