My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
