I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
