they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So vagazzling was a success
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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