SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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