i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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