so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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