Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had sex on a roof
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
