I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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